Many of us know people who have already experienced violence. People who have been controlled, devalued, or hurt in their relationships. But hardly anyone knows a person who uses violence. How can that be?

It is hard to believe that someone from your own circle of friends, family, or workplace could be abusive or violent. Maybe because many of us have a one-sided image in our head: violent people are loud, angry, and dangerous strangers – and violence is mostly physical.

But that is too narrow.

Violence happens much closer than we think. It is carried out by people of all ages, social classes, and backgrounds. Statistically, however, most are men who become violent.

Violence already begins with control, constant criticism, emotional pressure, or demeaning comments. And that is exactly the problem: these forms are still overlooked, downplayed, or excused far too often.

For example:

• Demeaning or hurtful remarks about the partner.
• Outbursts of anger or aggressive behavior when things do not go their way.
• Attempts to isolate the partner from friends and family.
• Decisions are made alone, without the other person having a say.
• The partner is often criticized, belittled, or ridiculed.
• Boundaries are not respected or are intentionally crossed.
• Jealousy and control are presented as «love.»
• Sexist comments or misogynistic jokes are packaged as «humor.»

Many of these behaviors are already forms of emotional violence; others can be early signs of it. In any case, these are situations where we should be alert. This is exactly where the environment can watch carefully and take action.

What can you do?

• Be alert: If something seems noticeable or strange to you, take it seriously and address it. Silence does not protect the affected people, but the perpetrators.
• Take a stand: Say no to sexist, demeaning, or violence-downplaying comments. Make your friends aware when they make disrespectful jokes or cross boundaries. Especially among men, it can make a difference if they point things out to each other – because men often listen more to other men.
• Allow conversation: Listen when someone wants to talk, without pushing.
• Support: Inform yourself about support services and pass them on. Seek advice yourself if you are unsure.
• Act in emergencies: In urgent situations, call 117 (police) or 144 (medical emergency).

Your actions matter. Civil courage also starts small – with an open ear, a clear stance, or a simple sentence like: «That is not okay.»