How you think affects how you act.

Before hurtful behavior shows on the outside, it starts in the mind – in thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. If someone always feels they have to be right, doesn’t take other people’s feelings, needs, or opinions seriously, or thinks a relationship has to follow their own rules, they create a ground for crossing boundaries and violence.

These beliefs don’t appear overnight. They often form early, and many are deeply rooted in our society. More about this here.

But: any mindset can be questioned – and that can actually help. Many beliefs come with expectations, like the pressure to always be strong or to fit certain roles. Men in particular often hold on to ideas that demand toughness and stop them from showing feelings or asking for help.

It’s worth looking closely: which beliefs shape how you act?

Many people associate violence with hitting or physical injuries. But violence actually starts earlier, with emotional (or psychological) violence. It’s often not recognized as violence because it doesn’t leave bruises. But the effects can be just as serious and long-lasting.

Examples include:

• Belittling: Frequent insults or humiliations that hurt your partner’s self-confidence.
• Control: Always wanting to know where the other person is, what they’re doing, and who they’re meeting. Also secretly reading messages.
• Jealousy: Seeing every contact with others as a threat and restricting it, especially with the opposite sex.
• Digital monitoring: Checking phones or laptops, demanding passwords, tracking location, or using monitoring software.
• Isolation: Keeping your partner away from friends and family to have all their attention.
• Emotional blackmail: Making the other person feel guilty or pressuring them to get what you want.
• Stalking: Often happens after a breakup. Constantly messaging an ex, watching them online and offline, following or lurking around them.

You might recognize yourself in some of these points. 

Some people use violence out of insecurity, feeling overwhelmed, fear, or because they think they’re losing control. 

That doesn’t excuse it – but it’s never too late to change!

Threats and destroying things are forms of violence. Threats to harm yourself are also included. Threats and damage to property are not only wrong, but they are also a punishable offense.

Threats are often used to put pressure on someone—to control them, intimidate them, or get them to do something. Especially during breakups, threats are often made against oneself or one's partner. 

Many see this as the only way to deal with fear, anger, and the feeling of losing control.

It is clear that this is not the right way to go about things – and you know that too. Help is available – find out more here.

Hitting, kicking, choking, pushing, pulling hair, pressing someone against a wall, hurting with objects – all of this is physical violence. Even if you downplay it, call it a «slip-up,» or blame stress, jealousy, or alcohol, violence is still violence – and it’s never acceptable.

The impact on those affected can be severe. These actions can destroy lives – and have legal consequences.

Violence has no place in relationships. Change is possible – but it starts with you.

Sexualized violence starts when someone’s boundaries and wishes aren’t respected: unwanted touching, forcing sex, pressuring someone to send nude photos, or secretly making intimate recordings. Showing sexual pictures or videos without consent – or sharing them – also counts.

Whether flirting, dating, in a relationship, or anywhere in between, it’s super important to respect the other person’s boundaries and wishes. Are we doing the same thing, or am I pushing them and mainly thinking about myself? Ignoring someone’s needs and limits – whether out of habit, abusing a position of power, or using emotional pressure – is sexualized violence.

No one is ever entitled to sex or sexual acts. A «yes» yesterday is not a free pass for today. Silence is not consent. A «no» means no – and is not an invitation to keep going.

Sexualized violence hurts deeply – sometimes for years, sometimes for a lifetime. It can also have legal consequences.

Real closeness and connection don’t come from pressure or violence – they come from respect and consent. It’s worth looking at your own behavior critically.

This is how violence can end. Control, belittling, threats, or hitting – over time, it can escalate. In the worst cases, someone is killed or barely survives.

In Switzerland, there’s an attempted homicide in close relationships every week, and about every two weeks, someone is killed by a (ex-)partner or family member. Statistics make it clear: most victims are women, most perpetrators are men.

What you’ve read so far shows: this kind of act is just the tip of the iceberg. Often, months or years of violence and control happen before it comes to this.

It can't be allowed to get that far.