A kick, a threat, wanting to control everything – and then? Violence is not a «slip.» It is wrong, it hurts, and it destroys.
Change does not start with ignoring it or making excuses, but with the courage to face it. That is worth it, because a life without violence also means:
- Healthier relationships – whether in your current relationship or later.
- More self-respect, pride, and joy in who you are and what you do.
- More satisfaction in your role as a partner, father, or mother.
- The chance to be a role model – for your children, your social environment.
- More calm in everyday life, because you can handle conflicts better and address problems.
A life with violence destroys relationships, trust, and security. In your partner, your family, and your children. And also in you. The consequences are often serious and can affect a person for life.
Consequences for you
The violence you use also has consequences for you. You are not alone in this. Many who become violent feel ashamed of their behavior. They feel guilty, regret their actions, feel powerless, and feel like they are in a vicious circle. Often there is also the feeling of having failed and not recognizing themselves.
Others describe it like this:
«I acted like I had everything under control. But inside me, there was only chaos.»
«Afterwards I asked myself: Why do I do this? This is not me.»
«I destroyed what was important to me. I still regret that today.»
For many it is difficult to deal with these feelings. Then it seems easier to push everything away. That does not work in the long run – and more importantly: it harms everyone. Support is available here.
Consequences for victims
If you use violence, it is important to understand what it means for the person you hurt. In any form, your behavior can leave deep marks.
Violence does not just hurt in the moment: the consequences are serious and long-lasting. Many victims live in constant tension. They never know when it will happen again. They are under stress, cannot relax. They feel worthless, sad, and powerless – and do not understand why you are doing this. After all, you have a relationship and love each other.
And if you apologize afterwards and promise never to do it again? Then hope arises, maybe everything will be okay again. Until the cycle repeats itself.
Switch sides for a moment: how would you feel?
Consequences for family and environment
Violence does not just destroy the relationship with your partner, but also with your family and especially your children. Children notice much more than you think. They see, hear, and feel stress, fear, and tension. Even if you may not notice, your violence affects their trust in you and their sense of safety.
As a parent, you are a role model. If you use violence, you show your child that such actions are okay and that conflicts are solved this way. What children learn, they often pass on.
Your environment may also be more affected than you think.
Your violence can strain friendships and family relationships and permanently change how others see you.
